Why do posts have to have names? It's annoying.

I was diagnosed 4 years, three months and 1 week ago. They always talk about five year survival.

Will I survive five years? I have no idea. At the moment it could be months or years depending on whether or not any treatment works. I am so scared it might be months, but find it so hard to even comprehend cause I feel totally fine. Any time I get sick though I think "Is this it?" I worry i'm getting sick because my cancer has spread and i'm not going to get better. That's what's going to happen one day, out of the blue... and I can't, no matter how hard I try, prepare myself for that. I think at the end a calm acceptance will take over (after the blind panic).. but I just wish i could come to terms with it now and stop worrying about it.

Instead of focusing on that though i just want to focus on LIVING. Is that wrong? To ignore it an get on with life while i'm living? I'm not sure. Health is not the absence of disease but the presence of vitality and overwhelming wellbeing!!

Loving planning my trip to the hebrides just now to do our sponsored cycle.. we have raised £2,500 so far which is unbelievable. I'm mostly looking forward to the time away with my beautiful family and the beauty of the western isles. Hoping to spot some special birds. I also can't wait to get ringing this year.. breeding season is upon us and I can't wait to hold those beautiful wild creatures again. The ospreys, owls and eagles have returned to their nests and it's shaping up to be a good summer :)

xx