A few people suggested I start a blog after I was diagnosed. Mostly because it's a good way to vent and it means you can look back and see how far you've come and how things have improved. I Agree that writing your thoughts down is an excellent way to vent frustrations without moaning to loved ones, it's also a good way of putting order into your thoughts to help you think clearly when you're head seems to have too much flying around in it all at once!
However, I didn't see the point in a blog as I felt it was a personal thing to do and no one else need be concerned with it. Instead I bought a lovely little leather bound notebook and i've been keeping my notes in there.
Since then, I've realised why a blog is a good idea. Whilst searching for hope on the internet I came across a few blogs of people who have been battling synovial sarcomas. The positive attitude and courage in some of these people when facing what they have to face has inspired me and lifted my spirits so many times now. I always thought my story was a bit too doom and gloom to bring to anyone's attention as most people are looking for success stories. I feel now that with all the twists and turns, my story is worth telling as it might give others hope and strength to stay strong and carry on when the outlook is bleak!
I've just started what I think is the final stage of my treatment, hence the 'better late than never'.. So I shall summarise the whole escapade and see how it pans out.
Monday 17 October 2011
October 2011 - i'm finally up to date!
Radiotherapy finally came to an end. Phew!! That was definitely the hardest part so far. They said i'd get tired but I never thought i'd be THAT tired. It's been three weeks since I finished and I'm definitely getting my energy back.
We spent a week relaxing in Italy which was just what I needed. I have a bit of a holiday comedown now that i'm back in a very wet and dull Scotland. The beaches were amazing! I found that if i try and float in the sea I slowly flip over onto my face due to the whole one lung thing :) I also seen a guy on the beach with a thoracotomy scar, if he hadn't been Russian i'd love to have picked his brain about healing time.. as i'm still in quite a bit of pain when i'm mobile and i'm not sure if i should be.
So I'll have my first post op scan in a couple of weeks. After which I'll be visiting the cancer hospital every six weeks until further notice.. So i'll finally have some time to take stock of all this and really pick it apart and get my head around it. So far I've just been on the ride, holding on for dear life. My attitude and outlook constantly changing due to ever changing circumstances. I really need to have a long think about things, now that they have settled. When they said it was terminal, you can plan things and decide how to deal with it. Now I'm in a wee bit of a funny place, i don't know if I still have cancerous cells there and there's no way of finding out so it's just a waiting game. I know that there is really only one way of dealing with things and it has a lot to do with this:
We spent a week relaxing in Italy which was just what I needed. I have a bit of a holiday comedown now that i'm back in a very wet and dull Scotland. The beaches were amazing! I found that if i try and float in the sea I slowly flip over onto my face due to the whole one lung thing :) I also seen a guy on the beach with a thoracotomy scar, if he hadn't been Russian i'd love to have picked his brain about healing time.. as i'm still in quite a bit of pain when i'm mobile and i'm not sure if i should be.
So I'll have my first post op scan in a couple of weeks. After which I'll be visiting the cancer hospital every six weeks until further notice.. So i'll finally have some time to take stock of all this and really pick it apart and get my head around it. So far I've just been on the ride, holding on for dear life. My attitude and outlook constantly changing due to ever changing circumstances. I really need to have a long think about things, now that they have settled. When they said it was terminal, you can plan things and decide how to deal with it. Now I'm in a wee bit of a funny place, i don't know if I still have cancerous cells there and there's no way of finding out so it's just a waiting game. I know that there is really only one way of dealing with things and it has a lot to do with this:
Although there are some other things i need to work on, like my confidence which seems to have taken a dunt. Most importantly though, as I have no more planned treatment i'm just going to get better and make up for all the motherly and wifely duties i've been unable to take care of... Robin wont be a daddy's boy much longer :)
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