A few people suggested I start a blog after I was diagnosed. Mostly because it's a good way to vent and it means you can look back and see how far you've come and how things have improved. I Agree that writing your thoughts down is an excellent way to vent frustrations without moaning to loved ones, it's also a good way of putting order into your thoughts to help you think clearly when you're head seems to have too much flying around in it all at once!
However, I didn't see the point in a blog as I felt it was a personal thing to do and no one else need be concerned with it. Instead I bought a lovely little leather bound notebook and i've been keeping my notes in there.
Since then, I've realised why a blog is a good idea. Whilst searching for hope on the internet I came across a few blogs of people who have been battling synovial sarcomas. The positive attitude and courage in some of these people when facing what they have to face has inspired me and lifted my spirits so many times now. I always thought my story was a bit too doom and gloom to bring to anyone's attention as most people are looking for success stories. I feel now that with all the twists and turns, my story is worth telling as it might give others hope and strength to stay strong and carry on when the outlook is bleak!
I've just started what I think is the final stage of my treatment, hence the 'better late than never'.. So I shall summarise the whole escapade and see how it pans out.
Tuesday 7 April 2015
Why do posts have to have names? It's annoying.
I was diagnosed 4 years, three months and 1 week ago. They always talk about five year survival.
Will I survive five years? I have no idea. At the moment it could be months or years depending on whether or not any treatment works. I am so scared it might be months, but find it so hard to even comprehend cause I feel totally fine. Any time I get sick though I think "Is this it?" I worry i'm getting sick because my cancer has spread and i'm not going to get better. That's what's going to happen one day, out of the blue... and I can't, no matter how hard I try, prepare myself for that. I think at the end a calm acceptance will take over (after the blind panic).. but I just wish i could come to terms with it now and stop worrying about it.
Instead of focusing on that though i just want to focus on LIVING. Is that wrong? To ignore it an get on with life while i'm living? I'm not sure. Health is not the absence of disease but the presence of vitality and overwhelming wellbeing!!
Loving planning my trip to the hebrides just now to do our sponsored cycle.. we have raised £2,500 so far which is unbelievable. I'm mostly looking forward to the time away with my beautiful family and the beauty of the western isles. Hoping to spot some special birds. I also can't wait to get ringing this year.. breeding season is upon us and I can't wait to hold those beautiful wild creatures again. The ospreys, owls and eagles have returned to their nests and it's shaping up to be a good summer :)
xx
Will I survive five years? I have no idea. At the moment it could be months or years depending on whether or not any treatment works. I am so scared it might be months, but find it so hard to even comprehend cause I feel totally fine. Any time I get sick though I think "Is this it?" I worry i'm getting sick because my cancer has spread and i'm not going to get better. That's what's going to happen one day, out of the blue... and I can't, no matter how hard I try, prepare myself for that. I think at the end a calm acceptance will take over (after the blind panic).. but I just wish i could come to terms with it now and stop worrying about it.
Instead of focusing on that though i just want to focus on LIVING. Is that wrong? To ignore it an get on with life while i'm living? I'm not sure. Health is not the absence of disease but the presence of vitality and overwhelming wellbeing!!
Loving planning my trip to the hebrides just now to do our sponsored cycle.. we have raised £2,500 so far which is unbelievable. I'm mostly looking forward to the time away with my beautiful family and the beauty of the western isles. Hoping to spot some special birds. I also can't wait to get ringing this year.. breeding season is upon us and I can't wait to hold those beautiful wild creatures again. The ospreys, owls and eagles have returned to their nests and it's shaping up to be a good summer :)
xx
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