A few people suggested I start a blog after I was diagnosed. Mostly because it's a good way to vent and it means you can look back and see how far you've come and how things have improved. I Agree that writing your thoughts down is an excellent way to vent frustrations without moaning to loved ones, it's also a good way of putting order into your thoughts to help you think clearly when you're head seems to have too much flying around in it all at once!
However, I didn't see the point in a blog as I felt it was a personal thing to do and no one else need be concerned with it. Instead I bought a lovely little leather bound notebook and i've been keeping my notes in there.
Since then, I've realised why a blog is a good idea. Whilst searching for hope on the internet I came across a few blogs of people who have been battling synovial sarcomas. The positive attitude and courage in some of these people when facing what they have to face has inspired me and lifted my spirits so many times now. I always thought my story was a bit too doom and gloom to bring to anyone's attention as most people are looking for success stories. I feel now that with all the twists and turns, my story is worth telling as it might give others hope and strength to stay strong and carry on when the outlook is bleak!
I've just started what I think is the final stage of my treatment, hence the 'better late than never'.. So I shall summarise the whole escapade and see how it pans out.
Saturday 16 June 2012
And the good news continues..
It's June, summer is in full swing (so it's pouring of rain outside)! My garden is all green, pink, yellow, purple and more green. My son is 1 and a half and becoming his own wee person. My husband is back at work and loving it. Life is goooooood! And as a wee cherry on top I just got good results from my latest CT scan. Well it's not a wee cherry, it's a MASSIVE one, so big the cake is squashed!! I'm so relieved, the week in between my scan and results was crazy, as usual. I dont need to think about getting good results cause I know I can deal with that eeeaaasy! But I need to force myself to think about getting a bad result so I feel I'm prepared for it.. which I never accomplish, but at least I'm being realistic I suppose. I bought two books of death and dying while I was waiting on my results. What am I like?!? Truth is though, it's a 50/50 chance so i'm not being crazy.. just trying to be prepared. Anyway, it's all good, so i'm stoked. I can FINALLY get excited about going to Canada next month as I have no scans in between now and then so can see no reason why I wouldn't be going now. So i've bought a celebratory bikini and some flip flops! My friend bought me some celebratory cakes but then I picked up another friends dog, to watch him for a couple of nights, and he ate the celebratory cakes (which looked amazing) quicker than you can say "NOOOO!!"
I'm also continuing on an introspective spritual journey that I started and then forgot about when I got sick, i'm not sure where to start though. Meditating helps, and reading lots. One of the books on dying by Dr Elisabeth Kubler Ross speaks about the similarities between dream state, deep meditation and near death experiences.. I really want to find out more about this and become more aware of my dreams and unconcious mind, and I generally want to be less attached..... Argh I always want to go on about my life in these posts, but it's really just a cancer blog (exciting, I know!) So I try to refrain, what does my personal life have to do with it? Or does have something to do with it? I don't know.. I just want someone with a sarcoma to read it and think, she's doing alright and things looked so bleak at the beginning.. and maybe, just maybe, they'll get a wee bit of hope which will give them a wee bit of energy, from me, to fight a wee bit harder and not be so sad.
Right, I'll shut up now. I'm Ok! It's almost been a year since my big fat, fast growing lumpy lodger was removed from my chest... that's wonderful! I miss my lung a wee bit, but not that much.. and I love my left lung more that ever!
x
I'm also continuing on an introspective spritual journey that I started and then forgot about when I got sick, i'm not sure where to start though. Meditating helps, and reading lots. One of the books on dying by Dr Elisabeth Kubler Ross speaks about the similarities between dream state, deep meditation and near death experiences.. I really want to find out more about this and become more aware of my dreams and unconcious mind, and I generally want to be less attached..... Argh I always want to go on about my life in these posts, but it's really just a cancer blog (exciting, I know!) So I try to refrain, what does my personal life have to do with it? Or does have something to do with it? I don't know.. I just want someone with a sarcoma to read it and think, she's doing alright and things looked so bleak at the beginning.. and maybe, just maybe, they'll get a wee bit of hope which will give them a wee bit of energy, from me, to fight a wee bit harder and not be so sad.
Right, I'll shut up now. I'm Ok! It's almost been a year since my big fat, fast growing lumpy lodger was removed from my chest... that's wonderful! I miss my lung a wee bit, but not that much.. and I love my left lung more that ever!
x
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