A few people suggested I start a blog after I was diagnosed. Mostly because it's a good way to vent and it means you can look back and see how far you've come and how things have improved. I Agree that writing your thoughts down is an excellent way to vent frustrations without moaning to loved ones, it's also a good way of putting order into your thoughts to help you think clearly when you're head seems to have too much flying around in it all at once!
However, I didn't see the point in a blog as I felt it was a personal thing to do and no one else need be concerned with it. Instead I bought a lovely little leather bound notebook and i've been keeping my notes in there.
Since then, I've realised why a blog is a good idea. Whilst searching for hope on the internet I came across a few blogs of people who have been battling synovial sarcomas. The positive attitude and courage in some of these people when facing what they have to face has inspired me and lifted my spirits so many times now. I always thought my story was a bit too doom and gloom to bring to anyone's attention as most people are looking for success stories. I feel now that with all the twists and turns, my story is worth telling as it might give others hope and strength to stay strong and carry on when the outlook is bleak!
I've just started what I think is the final stage of my treatment, hence the 'better late than never'.. So I shall summarise the whole escapade and see how it pans out.
Thursday 10 January 2013
A wonderful, relieving start to 2013!
So, I had my six monthly scan (a few anxiety ridden weeks late) just before Christmas, but because of the holiday I had to wait until the 3rd of Jan for the results. The festive season was perhaps a little more appreciated because of the thoughts and feelings I had and I just wanted to be with my family. When I'm worried like that I just feel like being a wee hermit. Once again though, all is well. Nothing has shown up on the scan and I'm feeling fine!
In my usual scan time freak out Style I bought another book about dying. This one was 'Proof of heaven' by Dr Eben Alexander. It's the best I've read so far. I'm not quite finished but its really helped me believe that we pass on, and don't really die with our bodies. Which is something I've always wanted to believe but found it hard to. Not that it makes me feel any less attached to my life here, but I'm working on that, and acceptance. I know I might not need to face death at a young age anymore, but I'm sure these are things I should learn about anyway. And consciousness, I want to learn more about consciousness.
Anyway, life is sweet. Robin is learning to talk and you can tell him what to sing a song about, and he sings the word over and over again whilst dancing or playing an instrument. He's the best wee boy ever, I can't believe how lucky we are. When I'm fretting about stupid things in work, I just think about him and then I don't care anymore :) working is a pain, I hate being away from robin so much, especially since my new job is 44 hours a week. But we have quality time before bed and the salary is allowing us do to awesome family things like get our wee pony!
I'm rambling! This blog is about cancer. Which it seems at the moment there's no evidence of, in my body.
Long may I continue :)
And here's a picture of my beautiful wee boy, just cause he's awesome and I want to show him off!
In my usual scan time freak out Style I bought another book about dying. This one was 'Proof of heaven' by Dr Eben Alexander. It's the best I've read so far. I'm not quite finished but its really helped me believe that we pass on, and don't really die with our bodies. Which is something I've always wanted to believe but found it hard to. Not that it makes me feel any less attached to my life here, but I'm working on that, and acceptance. I know I might not need to face death at a young age anymore, but I'm sure these are things I should learn about anyway. And consciousness, I want to learn more about consciousness.
Anyway, life is sweet. Robin is learning to talk and you can tell him what to sing a song about, and he sings the word over and over again whilst dancing or playing an instrument. He's the best wee boy ever, I can't believe how lucky we are. When I'm fretting about stupid things in work, I just think about him and then I don't care anymore :) working is a pain, I hate being away from robin so much, especially since my new job is 44 hours a week. But we have quality time before bed and the salary is allowing us do to awesome family things like get our wee pony!
I'm rambling! This blog is about cancer. Which it seems at the moment there's no evidence of, in my body.
Long may I continue :)
And here's a picture of my beautiful wee boy, just cause he's awesome and I want to show him off!
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That is so exciting congratulations; your boy is so cute.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the book reference I will track it down and check it out.
Gary
It's hard getting on with life with possible recurrence hanging over your head, well done for working and getting on enjoying life with such a positive attitude. Cheers from a sunny and hot down under.
ReplyDeleteThanks Gary! I'd be lying if I said I was getting on with it all with a positive attitude all the time, I definitely have my pessimistic thoughts, quite often :) I know i can't put my life on hold until the five years has passed though.. Which is sometimes what I feel like doing. If I am going to be ok, then I don't want to have missed out on these opportunities with work and generally steering my life in the direction I want to.. It's tricky though, cause at the same time, if it DOES come back and I do die soon, I know I'll regret going back to work and not spending all my time with Robin. It's been a tough decision! And I keep on wondering if I done the right thing but only time will tell I guess. Al I know for now is... Life is sweet.
ReplyDeleteThe book was good, I found myself really excited about it (think that's how I was feeling when I wrote this post) then questioning it all again. I just find it hard to get my head around but I feel like its true, I just want to know it is.. I find it hard to have faith I guess. But I'm working on it :)
Hope all is well with you guys and you're enjoying summer. We're due a solid four days of snow, starting tomorrow.